In the years of 1979-1981 divorce rates peaked in the United
States. It was at this time no-fault divorce was widely available. Before this
approach to divorce passed in state governments, divorce was a more difficult
process, in the legal sense. There had to be proof, or reason, for a divorce to
occur provided to the courts. These reasons included adultery, abuse, addiction,
or abandonment. When no-fault divorce passed, some states required that both
spouses consented to the divorce, but a majority of states only needed one of
the spouses to initiate the divorce.
There are some pros and cons to no-fault divorce. One
benefit may be that it is more equitable because divorce is then based on
needs/wants not being met instead of on the basis that someone was wronged.
Perhaps then, divorce may be considered easier emotionally than it has in the
past with more intense legal processes.
Is it really easier though, concerning most cases?
No. No-fault divorce has become easy to pursue at a time
when marriage needs protection. It empowers the spouse that wants to leave
while making the other partner relatively helpless. Stable families ensure a
healthy society, so divorce as an easy-out of a marriage is a threat.
Thousands of married couples were given questionnaires
concerning their satisfaction of their marriage. Those who responded they were
very dissatisfied with their marriages were contacted again, but 5 years later.
Interestingly enough, 70% of those same couples reported being very satisfied
or satisfied with their marriages just by hanging in there!
Of course, there are many factors that go into such a
fluctuation, but the point to remember is that satisfaction within a marriage is
going to change- it can decrease and increase multiple times over the course of
a marriage.
So many people focus on the romantic feelings of love but
love itself is a fleeting feeling. This is why people fall in and out of love
so quickly. However, true love includes constantly searching for the physical,
spiritual, mental, and emotional wellbeing of the other spouse.
2 years after being divorced, those who were involved, even
those who initiated the split, 70% (again, same statistic mentioned earlier!)
said they could have saved the marriage, even that they should have
saved it.
After sharing some tough statistics, I want to be a little more
encouraging. Many people hear that their future marriage has a 50% chance of
ending in divorce. FALSE! Yes, statistics indicate that 50% of marriages do
result in splitting up, but that is depicting ALL marriage! A first marriage
actually has the highest rate of remaining married until death: 72%. Remarriages
involving kids have a wayyy higher chance of ending in divorce: 62%. So, it is
remarriages that skew the statistics so about 50% of marriages conclude in divorce.
Now those are way better odds!!!! 72% actually remain
married!!
Our actions express our priorities in life. If so many
people already feel a marriage in the future has a 50% chance of ending in a painful
and damaging divorce, would they prioritize marriage? Sadly, most likely not.
We actually can see that today: divorce rates are going down,
but that’s not because people are putting more effort into their marital relationship.
It’s actually because the amount of people getting married is decreasing, and more
and more couples are choosing cohabitation.
I am not saying that divorce is NEVER the answer; there are too
many unique circumstances to have a black and white stance on such a topic.
However, I do feel that many couples are not putting forth the effort and intentionality
a successful marriage requires and give up too quickly. “Falling out of love,” growing
apart, “we’re just different people” are going to happen if couples do not maintain
a sense of duty to their spouse and their family. For the most part, divorce does way more damage than good.
Do not miss out on the phenomenon of the family- when you care
about others, and focus on them more than yourself, you become whole. It’s not
enough to live for yourself. Selfishly seeking happiness leads in the opposite
direction. Find ways to come together as a family unit!
To those of you who have read my blog posts, thank you so
much! This will be the last one for a while since the semester is coming to an
end. We’ll see if I write more in the future!
Comments
Post a Comment