Family Systems Theory

One of the most influential theories concerning the family is known as the Family Systems theory. It is very applicable and has been the focus of several studies. In this theory, the family is viewed as a whole; it holds the potential to be made great by it’s individual parts. Equilibrium, or balance, is the goal for the family.

Of course, maintaining such balance is difficult because of how complex interactions and relationships. The individual parts influence others and, therefore, the whole. Because of this, each member has a role.

There are some trends where birth order influences what roles are expected from the children in the family. For example, the first child is depicted as the standard or the hero of the family, the second child seems to be the black sheep who wants to break the mold, the third becomes invisible to relieve stress on his parents, and the fourth can be a clown to provide comedic relief.

However, things are a little different in my family. I am the youngest of four kids, but my brother, who is the third child, was given the role of providing humor. I, however, act more as the glue of the family. I help to keep everyone intact so that our family can continue to grow together despite distance or differences.

The organization of the family system is driven by rules, which are usually unspoken. They determine the way people pattern their behavior within and outside of the family. These rules are taught through example and/or when the rule is violated. At that point, the rule is explained commonly by scolding the child.

In my own family we have a rule that may be common in any households. I’ve lived in the same house almost my entire life and sat in the same place for meals the entire time. When I was about 9 or 10 years old, and went to enjoy a meal, I noticed one of my other siblings sitting in my spot. I was not about to allow that. I reminded him or her they were sitting in the seat that I always sat in. I did so in a not-so-very polite way. Thankfully, they quickly forgave me for being rude and sat in a different spot because they noticed how important it was that such a rule was maintained.

My reaction to someone sitting in my seat was an expression of negative feedback to that family member. That doesn’t always entail yelling or screaming at someone for not doing what is deemed normal by the family, but it does always provide a redirection to conform to the family’s rules to one who may be stepping out of line. Positive feedback reinforces a rule or allowing a rule to be changed for the better.

What rules will you allow to be perpetuated into your future families? Are there any you need to change to improve the atmosphere in your home?

As mentioned earlier, relationships are complex. The family systems theory breaks down the whole organization into subsystems, or pairings. Each person has some sort of relationship to all of the family members, whether it’s close or distant.

In an optimal family system (yes, some work better than others), there needs to be an executive subsystem. This is best when it involves the two parents who work together to lead the family in unity. They fuse their two perspectives together in cooperation. This provides the children a sense of security as they see consistency of positive and harmonious interaction between their parents. My professor, Michael Williams, shared, “making decisions with a partner, being just as intentionally interested in the other person’s perspective just as much as you are in your own is not natural, but reaches to the supernatural.”

By coming together in unity, we can welcome the phenomenon of the family into our homes: joy.