Fathers are key to the success of the individual members of a family. As mentioned in
a previous blog post, “The Balanced Differences of Boys and Girls,” there are
important and helpful differences between men and women. Together, these traits
can help foster the best environment for children to grow up in.
Historically, it was very common for families to be together
all of the time. Before the industrial revolution, each member of the family worked
together to make a living. This offered a lot of time for both parents to be
with their children.
When the industrial revolution came, however, everyone started
living in separate worlds, with even the children working hard and long hours
before child labor laws prohibited such practices. By the 1950s, it was as if
fathers were guests in their own homes, not really knowing their wives or children
anymore. It was become more and more common for fathers to be physically present
sometimes, but functionally absent most of the time.
Fairly quickly, it became a prevalent issue for many homes
to be completely fatherless. A problem we’re dealing with today on many fronts.
Before getting into the research of the irreplaceable role fathers
play in families, I want to give a little anecdotal evidence from my own life. My
dad is the greatest man I know. Sadly, there are so many people who cannot say
that about their own fathers. He and my mom led our home side-by-side. From his
relationship with my mom, I see how a true gentleman should treat a woman: with
respect, love, trust, and appreciation. Many times, I have seen him express
these to my mom in the little day-to-day things he does.
He is also so kind to me. Growing up, he was always at my dance
recitals, violin performances, supportive in my school work, and took time to
be with me. He was constantly building our relationship. The other weekend he came
to visit me at school, and I had no problem spending most of my time with him.
In fact, I wanted to be with him and enjoy his company! He was really
helpful in providing insight and building my confidence in myself with some of
the things I am going through in my life. In short, I look up to father and
want to be married to a man who loves our children as much as my dad loves me.
Coparenting, or how parents come together to raise their children
matters. How a mom and dad perform their roles as parents affects the quality
of their relationships with their children. The better parents work together in
a positive way greatly increases beneficial developmental outcomes for their kids.
A study done by Jay Fagan and Rob Palkovitz in 2011 found that
the better a relationship was between a father and his children’s mother, the
more engaged he was in his children’s lives. This is applicable in all sorts of
family structures: marriages that have never divorced, those that have, others who cohabit, etc. Still, the study recognizes:
Romantic involvement implies greater
emotional closeness than friend or acquaintance relationships and a greater commitment
to dyadic agreement than less close relationships. Reciprocity norms in romantic
relationships require consideration of the other’s perspectives and feelings to
a greater degree than friendships or acquaintance relationships.
Therefore, the closer
the parents are, such as in a married and romantic relationship, the closer the
father will be with his children in their lives. Being positively involved in
his children’s lives, he can demonstrate effective social skills, increase a
child’s internal motivation, work ethic, and realize their potential. This is
most effective when a loving mother is involved as well, just as her parenting
is more effective when she has a supportive husband.
Reference:
Fagan, J. & Palkofitz, R. (2011). Coparenting and relationship
quality effects on father engagement: Variations by residence, romance. Journal of Marriage and Family, Vol. 73,
No. 3
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