Understanding Sexual Intimacy

In all honesty, I am nervous to share this post. Sex has become a topic that many people view as either as a casual thing or terrible and dirty.

That being said, if you do not want to have a deeper, more scientific understanding of sexual intimacy with the possibility of blushing, do not continue reading. You have been warned! J Just know that I am trying to be open about this subject so people can have a better understanding and more realistic expectations.

If sexual acts take place within the best circumstances, it is actually one of the most powerful and expressive acts of someone’s love for another and vice versa.

Sexual intimacy has an incredible potential of bonding the two participants together if both offer such intimacy as a selfless act. However, it also has the capacity to be incredibly damaging and alienating if done selfishly.

Sex, although it is not the most important aspect of a marriage, sort of acts as a barometer of the relationship. The frequency, level of pleasure it brings to both spouses, and the reason behind the action (back to being selfish or selfless). Also, how the couple communicates about the topic has an effect on the relationship. It takes practice to communicate about such an important topic, and practice to implement adjustments during intercourse.

The response cycle, or how the body physically responds to sex can be helpful to understand. This cycle includes several stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, (the refractory period for men) and resolution.

1.     Excitement- this is the first stage of arousal and is the result of some kind of physical or psychological stimulation. Both males’ and females’ bodies prepare for intercourse with increased heart rate which speeds up blood flow throughout the body. Also, the woman’s vagina lubricates (or becomes more slipper/smooth) within 10-30 seconds but the man’s penis erects much faster than that (3-8 seconds for most young men).

2.     Plateau- now that a high level of excitement and arousal is reached, it will be maintained, and psychological change continues to occur. Note that the length of time of this stage varies from person to person. The woman’s vagina extends lubrication at this point and the tissues closest to the vaginal opening swell with blood; this may cause the man to feel like his penis is being gripped by the woman’s vagina.

3.     Orgasm- this stage is the climax of sexual intercourse. The discharge of sexual tension that has been building up and maintained during the plateau occurs. It usually takes the shortest amount of time compared to the other stages. During this time, muscular contractions and intense physical feelings that usually happen in a matter of a few seconds, followed by rapid relaxation. Women may have 3-15 muscular contractions and changes in brain wave patterns. Commonly, women experience multiple orgasms before their bodies move onto the next and final stage. The first phase of orgasm for men forces ejaculation (he has a sense of urgency that he can no longer control leading up to this point). In the second phase, additional muscular contractions lead to ejaculation.

a.     Refractory period- during this time, the man feels the need to recover and is incapable of having an additional orgasm or ejaculation. This can last for minutes or even hours (length of time commonly increases with ageing).

4.     Resolution- now, there is a return to being sexually unaroused. However, if one or both in the relationship has been highly aroused but did not reach orgasm, the resolution will take longer to complete.

This response cycle can be helpful in understanding so that spouses learn to serve each other and understand why it might take some time for the woman to reach a certain point, and for men to recover. Sexual interactions are safest when acted within one relationship with one person for both physical and emotional health. I hope this post is helpful!